


Tsukishima Kei One Shot

by acsheeran



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 12:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7683784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acsheeran/pseuds/acsheeran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is pure sadness that I wrote at 3AM.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tsukishima Kei One Shot

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy it!

Why did he find himself crying over Tadashi time and time again? Why was he propped up against his wall on his bed, tears leaving wet trails down his face? Why was he still yearning for the touch of one who had been long gone?

 _It had been seven months._ Seven months had passed since Tadashi passed. Tsukishima should have been able to feel happiness again. Yamaguchi wouldn't have wanted Tsukki locked in his room, continuing to long for something that was no longer tangible. He would have wanted to see Tsukki out and making new friends and smiling. Yamaguchi would have been disappointed in his dear friend for being unable to sleep and find new comrades.

Tsukki was never a sociable person. He was a boy who towered over everyone. He always had an advantage in games during recess. Opposing teams would create disputes over his abilities, and he would be ejected from the game. He was a cause of ephemeral animosity between his peers. Recess was a place of games and fun, but young Tsukki was never granted those. While his classmates formed lasting friendships and bonded, Tsukki was left to sit a ways away from the playground and play with his hands. Nobody ever bothered to include the gentle giant. He grew to despise people. They did not care about him or his feelings, so why give them his time?

Tsukki was walking home one day, still bitter from the social neglect he'd suffered earlier. He came across two boys standing over one sitting on the ground. The sitting one was crying, and the children looming over him spat juvenile insults. Tsukki did not feel for the crying child, but felt the need to insult the brainless figures treating someone badly. So, he intimidated the boys with his sarcasm and height. His abnormal height sent the boys off, and the crying boy thanked him profusely.

Days later, while at volleyball practice, a new player arrived. It was the crying boy from before. He privately thanked Tsukki for his valiance, although Tsukki was no hero. He was simply bitter. Tsukki had learned the boy's name: Tadashi Yamaguchi. Tadashi's bullying had decreased to solely mental abuse rather than physical, too. Tsukki would be lying if he hadn't felt a bit enthused when he realized he'd made a difference in Tadashi's life, even if it was small.

Yamaguchi and Tsukki became great friends, becoming inseparable. Tadashi was impressed when Tsukishima told him that his older brother was the ace of the his high school's volleyball team. Truth be told, Tsukki was also secretly in awe over his brother's success. He just wished he could see a match. Tsukki never gained allowance to attend one, though.

The two boys snuck into a gym to watch Tsukki's brother's team. One of Yamaguchi's former bullies attended the match as well, and was impressed by Tsukki's brother's position. As the match continued, Tsukki could not find his brother anywhere on the court. He was not sitting on the bench, nor was he playing. Tsukki looked up at the fans across the gym, and was met with the same eyes as his own.

Tsukishima had been lied to by the most important person in his life. His brother, whom he had looked up to his whole life, failed him. Yamaguchi sent the laughing bully on his way and tried to comfort Tsukki, but there was nothing he could do.

The world's noise around him became distant as if he was underwater. The people enamored in the match surrounding him disappeared. He was staring at the biggest disappointment of his life from across the gym. He shut down. Everyone, including his own brother, failed him. He had Yamaguchi, but he was isolated. He turned and exited the gym, never looking back. Tadashi attempted to console Tsukki during their trek home, but Tsukki was lost in his own jumbled thoughts. Nobody except Yamaguchi truly cared for him.

Following the revelation, Tsukishima shut everyone but Tadashi out. He only needed to shut out a few people, since none of his peers realized he was there. Yamaguchi kept him company in his spot away from the playground. He genuinely cared for Tsukki, unlike the rest of the world. Tsukishima never gained the skills to properly convey it, but he cherished Tadashi. He loved his sole friend.

Middle school arrived, and nothing changed. Tsukki and Yamaguchi sat together at lunch, only conversing with each other. Nobody spoke to them, except for when someone once threw an opened carton of milk at Tadashi. He had to restrain Tsukki rather than be upset, as Tsukishima was already on his way to make those bullies pay for what they'd done.

High school came, and the best friends remained inseparable. Yamaguchi became friends with the rest of the team, but Tsukki remained cold to the outside world. He was never shown compassion, so he extracted that from himself as a child. He ridiculed his fellow first years to Tadashi and remained reserved. Kuroo and Bokuto practically forced him to speak to them, but they were the closest thing to friends he had made since Tadashi. He never gained the proper tools to make friends and be outgoing.

Suddenly, everything came crashing down. Tadashi was hit by a car and died minutes after. He was forced to suffer immensely in his last moments as the driver sped off, probably trying to forget about what they had just done. A careless driver cause his best friend to die. His sustenance collapsed and he was left to pick up the pieces. His best friend's mother, who had once smiled like his friend, lost the light within her. Aubergine bags hung below her eyes. Her smile lines' growing prevalence was halted when she could no longer find a reason to smile. Her once blooming gardens turned to shriveled up pieces of what was once living, because she did not feel the need to need to tend to her gardens when she had to tend to her emptiness that she would never fill. While Tadashi was not the most popular, everyone he graced was deeply affected by his passing. A tense air filled the gym during volleyball practice. Tsukki was silent during them, because he no longer had a friend to talk to.

After finishing his homework, he would sit in his room and cry over his best friend. He did not realize Yamaguchi's importance until the one beam supporting him snapped. He did not have a single person that he shared such a connection with. He did not have a comrade to spend time with. He was completely and utterly broken. Today, he had Hotel Books playing from his headphones.

"It's a terrible statement but I never let it leave my side. That sickening realization that I'm done with this fight."  
He couldn't bring himself to fight the pain. He couldn't make it seem as if he want hurting, as if he was devastated.

"My disaster stricken heart feeling broken, my emotions quoted spilling out of a broken vase taking the place of what was once your emotion."  
Tsunamis of sadness enveloped Tsukki's brain. Tadashi once consumed his thoughts and made him happy, but in the days following that dreadful phone call, Tadashi consumed his thoughts and pained him.

"An exit of sorts seemed logical, cause I thought I could silence this breath. But contrary to my mindset, I circumvented my threats to silence the demons singing songs in my head; whispering in my ear, that ending it all is a safe bet."  
Tsukki wished for death ever since that horrid day. He knew that Tadashi would be disappointed in him, though, so he forced himself to go through the motions and live his meaningless life. He chose tears every night, because he did not ever want to upset Yamaguchi.

"Feeling like this love I had once found had been torn open and left broken in the cold -that the seams holding it together ripped open and my flesh tore open with that as I pray that my breathing would stop."  
His life was but a mundane cycle, Tadashi never leaving his thoughts. He didn't want to forget Yamaguchi; he away the one who gave Tsukki happiness throughout his lonely childhood. He could never properly thank his late best friend.

"And as I held those staining memories, I held on so tightly; remembering what life used to mean. Selfishly ready to embrace the fact that I am weak!"  
Had Tsukki died instead, Yamaguchi would have been smiling and happy by now. He would have been moving on, but Tsukishima couldn't let his best friend become a memory.

"Little did I know, love with sitting right beside me, I just wasn't listening."  
He did not realize Tadashi's true value until he was no longer within reach.

 

Best friends can break your heart, too.


End file.
